What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
"Having a good hare day."
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
"The Full Moon is a natural furnomenon," said the werewolf.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Ouch! You are giving me a good kind of toothache just because of your sweetness.
Are you a red light because stop.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Lava is red and tsunamis are blue. If I had to choose a case study, I’d choose you.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
Why did the skeleton go to the dance?
To see the boogie man.
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
My sister just delivered a baby...
I knew she had it in her.
An elderly gentleman pulls up his sweatpants, shuffles into the bar, sidles up to a sweet young thing maybe one fourth his age, and with his most winning smile, asks
"Do I come here often?"
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
I just wanted to make a good frost impression.
I booked an appointment at the orthopedist for my whole family.
We got joint problems.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Your voice is so a-do-re-ble to mi
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Why did the bus driver go to jail? He was 'wheely' breaking the law!
What is the main difference between men and boys? Men's toys cost more.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Dewey.
Dewey who?
Dewey have to use a condom?
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
You must be a birthday, because each time you come near,
I get so very excited, and so very full of cheer!
You must be the new year, because each time you come round,
All I do is want to celebrate, and make a joyous sound!
You’re such an adventure, let me explore you.
There are 3 rings in a failed marriage: engagement ring, wedding ring...
And suffering...
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
Go to BabaMail
