Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter’s bitter.
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better.
So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter,
put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better.
So ‘t was better Betty Botter bought some better butter.
“There are more airplanes in the water than there are submarines in the sky.”
Anonymous
“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
George Burns
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
Company coming?
And your house is a big mess?
Just put on lipstick.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
She saw Sharif’s shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure those were Sharif’s shoes she saw?
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I was trying to think of a good pun for your name, but I can’t think of Jack
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
What did the vampire say to the vampire hunter that missed his heart.
Well wasnt that an unfortunate missed-stake.
Are you a cat? Because you're purrrrrfect.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
You must be vaporizing from a solid-state because I think you are absolutely sublime.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
When you come across a lost wolf, the first greeting should be, “how are you where-wolf”.
I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
I’m fondue you.
One day I found two pumpkin seeds.
I planted one and pulled the weeds.
It sprouted roots and a big, long vine.
A pumpkin grew; I called it mine.
The pumpkin was quite round and fat.
(I really am quite proud of that.)
But there is something I’ll admit
That has me worried just a bit.
I ate the other seed, you see.
Now will it grow inside of me?
What did the Wife say to the Husband?
You are exhausting!
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
"Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back."
I'm glad there's freedom of religion because I worship you.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
Babe, there's a few tough road series coming up, but if we can make it through them, I'll know it's real.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
Go to BabaMail
