If I supply the voltage and you supply the resistance, imagine the currents we can make together.
Are you from Canada? Because if you're wondering if you can go out on a date with me, well, you CAN–UH-DUH!
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
Your infectious smile puts cholera to shame.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
Easter and April Fools’ are on the same day this year.
For efficiency, send your kids to look for eggs that you haven’t hidden.
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
You’re like the perfect audition piece: rare, beautiful, and extremely worth it.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
If we're going to make love later, you should probably be there.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
Your presents is requested.
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
What does a basketball player say when he misses?
Shoot!
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
You know you're getting old when your wife says, "Honey, lets run upstairs and make love,"
and you answer, "I can't do both."
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
A sad bullet comes home to his family.
"Honey you look terrible!" Exclaims his wife. "What happened?"
"I got fired."
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Jedi Mind Trick: "This is the geek you're looking for." waves hand.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Which color is the fastest?
Red, because it is always redy.
Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
Your skin is smoother than the finest panna cotta.
I met her in chat, she was neat,
her photo was pretty, petite.
we met for a meal,
I saw her for real,
I screamed and then ran down the street!
"Before I speak, I have something important to say."
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language.
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
By any chance, is your atomic number 11? Well, it’s because you are sodium fine!
Marriage, it has a nice ring to it.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Without you, I feel like a fragment. Incomplete.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
What does a millennial cowboy say?
Yeet Haw!
Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
This book of spells was useless. The author forgot to run spell check.
What do you call an alien with three eyes?
An aliiien.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
I can give you something to really be thankful about!
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
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