What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
“Medidation, because some questions can’t be answered by Google.” — Inner Balance Wear
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
There was an Old Man of the coast,
Who placidly sat on a post;
But when it was cold
He relinquished his hold
And called for some hot buttered toast.
I'm local, all natural, homemade and certified organic: wanna taste?
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?
The ICU.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Hey, I just got my flight number. I’m just missing your phone number.
I’m very frond of you.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
Mark Twain
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Hey, are you a campfire? ‘Cause you’re super hot and I want s’more.
"Over-easy like Sunday morning."
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Draw me like one of your French ghouls.
You make me wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal, and Isaac Newton decided to play a game of hide and seek.
Einstein covers his eyes and starts counting.
Pascal runs off to hide but Newton takes a chalk and marks a 1m×1m square on the floor and stands in it.
"Ready or not, here I come!" Einstein exclaims while he opens his eyes. He sees Newton standing out in the open and says "Haha, I found you Newton!"
Newton replies "No, you found Pascal."
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
...it's pretty catchy.
You had me at cello.
She said, "Don't go bacon my heart."
I told her, "I couldn't if I fried."
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
Did you hear about the poker player who lost his arm and got a prosthetic replacement?
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
What is the fastest way to make a setter angry? Each time you make a pass, tell the setter the ball is “Up” and then say “Yours!”
Excuse me, do you have the time? I just want to remember the exact minute I got a crush on you.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
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