“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
Where do school-going vampires carry their books?
In bat-packs.
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
You're just my cup of tea!
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
Did you hear about the suicidal homeopath? He took 1/50th of the recommended dose.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
You are the hottest thing since sunburn.
Do you have raisins? How about a date?
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Juno.
Juno who?
Juno I love you, don't you?
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
I threw a party for all the workers who helped build my house. The door guy showed up late...
...but he really knew how to make an entrance.
The calm before the score
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
Baby if you were a burger at McDonalds you would be a McGorgeous.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
Linda Grayson
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
My love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection.
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
“I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there.”
— James Lileks
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
Police chief: Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case? Me: I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress.
Police chief: Please just wear your police uniform.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
How could I dance with another. When I saw you standing there.
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.
Girl is your name baseball? Cause I just want to hit it with you.
I only have ice for you!
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
You’re a perfect ten(t).
Go to BabaMail
