A really leery Larry rolls readily to the road.
Why did the Easter bunny fire the duck?
He kept quacking all the eggs.
My bunny is fat
He loves to eat cabbage
No wonder he’s fat.
If I told you I worked at Home Depot, would you let me handle your tool?
A couple is in marriage counseling and the wife tells the therapist that the husband never buys her flowers.
The husband says...
"I didn’t even know she sold flowers!"
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
If you ask me if I love you I'll have to plead the 5th. Don't want to incriminate myself.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
“I'm not napping this is savasana.”
- Berndt Vogel
I can figure out the square root of any number in less than 10 seconds. What? You don’t believe me? Well, then, let’s try it with your phone number.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
You must be Portuguese because I could Lisbon to that accent all night long.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Do you climb? Because baby I can be your rock
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
I wish you were a fish in my dish.
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.
I said no, it's a mandate
"Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference."
I can row a boat.
Canoe?
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
"Every garden is unique with a multitude of choices in soils, plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy as seeing what brings a smile to your face."
- Teresa Watkins
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
What did the turkey say during Thanksgiving?
It was too stuffed to say anything.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
My game is just like Alexander Keith's: "Those who like it, like it a lot."
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Beach you to it.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Hey babe, I want tibia your Valentine!
"You're poaching all my best yolks."
If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.
Chuck Palahniuk
What do you call a storm that doesn't come to fruition?
A mist opportunity!
I’m sure wherever my dad is he’s looking down on us… he’s not dead… just very condescending.
Jack Whitehall
Go to BabaMail
