What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin.
“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.” - Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
It’s worth a shot.
Girl, it makes sense and sensibility for us to go out.
What problem do you encounter with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
There was a Young Lady of Turkey,
Who wept when the weather was murky;
When the day turned out fine,
She ceased to repine,
That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
A young gourmet dining at Crewe,
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, Don't shout,
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one, too.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
If there were no God, there would be no atheists. -- G. K. Chesterton
“Did you know that Father Christmas has a daughter? Her name is Mary Christmas.”
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
Ladies, if there’s a man who remembers your birthday, knows what you enjoy and understands your friends and family...
it’s Mark Zuckerberg.
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
Did your parents work on The Manhattan Project? Because you’re the bomb!
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
Wanna go out this weekend? Maybe go on a quick John-t around town?
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
I’ve never experienced having my dream come true, until the day I met you.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why did the King of Hearts marry the Queen of Hearts?
They were perfectly suited to each other.
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“Aries: You can't handle me even if I came with instructions.”
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
As a flower cannot blossom without sunshine, I cannot survive without your love.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Tom Hanks just got the Corona virus.
They had to lock the whole Cast Away.
In the magazine polls held this fall, Autumn was declared as the cutest season because it's awwwtumn!
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