What do you call an elf who runs away from Santa's Workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
My drinking team has a bowling problem.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Winter is here, weather you like it or not.
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
My wife treats me like a God – every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Are you good at finding things? Because I think you may have found my heart. Also, I don't know which zone I parked my car into so I need help with that too. Thanks!
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by.
The sphinx said to the man, "You may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"
The man thought for a moment and answered, "Imagination."
"Wrong," said the Sphinx. "The answer is your mom."
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
"Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time."
– Sadhguru
Say it ain’t snow.
All you need is a little vitamin sea.
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
What happened when the artist tried to draw a cube? He suffered from a mental block.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
What did Sophocles call his dating service in Ancient Greece?
Oedipal Arrangements.
"Reti or not, here I come!"
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
Let’s list the froze and cons.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
Gas rig men grilled by villagers - The Oxford Times
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
Go to BabaMail
