You are my belongingness to my Maslow's Humanistic Theory based on the Hierarchy of needs.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture bedtime.
If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,
buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
I'm not a very good swimmer, do you have any lifeguard experience?
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
Are you Siri? As a result of your autocomplete feature
Today is your birthday, don’t pull your hair,
Look in the mirror, nature was fair,
Not a day over twenty,
I’m kidding, you’re plenty.
Don’t mean to burst your bubble,
But stop asking for trouble,
You know what I mean,
When you drink that caffeine.
What should I bring?
Just give me a ring.
Elephant or clown?
I knew you would frown.
(Martin Dejnicki)
Girls just wanna have sun.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Amazingly, antelope stew,
Is supposedly better for you.
Than a goulash of rat,
Or Hungarian cat,
But I guess that something you knew.
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Damn girl, I must be an elephant. Because I'd never forget you.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What did the thief steal on the theatre's opening night? The spotlight.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
A newspaper man named Fling,
Could make "copy" from any old thing.
But the copy he wrote,
Of a five dollar note,
Was so good he is now wears so much bling.
Got plans for leftovers, yet?
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
Why is the letter B so cold? Because it’s between the AC.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
My son asked me what Micheal Jackson was doing in Italy
I told him he was "sight-heeheeing."
It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.
"Have an egg-cellent Easter."
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
I got fired for eating chips at work.
Well I really hated my job at the casino anyways.
What do you think walking on the moon is like?
Not very impactful.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
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