What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
I like playing chess with old people in the park, but it gets hard to find 32 of them each time.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
Drink happy thoughts.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarter back.
You must be chlorine cause you are polarizing my bond.
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
Wanna go out sometime? I’d consider it an Er-win if you said yes.
Feeling cold? Go stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
If you date me, you'll eventually see a diamond.
Roses are red,
The earth is wide,
You’d look much better,
With me by your side.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Why couldn’t the Italian man get into his house?
He had gnocchi.
Why did the dragon cross the road?
He was dragged on by his mum.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
Hold still, there's a mosquito on your a$$.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
You know those silly hacker movies where they're hacking so hard they type on two keyboards at once?
Such blatant stereo-typing
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
You're that ugly that if I could do myself, I wouldn't need you.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
Why did the chicken cross the football field?
It was a fowl.
With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.
A coronaissance, if you will.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
There was an Old Person of Cheadle,
Who was put in the stocks by the beadle
For stealing some pigs,
Some coats, and some wigs,
That horrible person of Cheadle.
“What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.”
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
Why did the corn cross the road?
Because it was being stalked.
"The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner." -Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
You know what they say, wheat fields are made for sowing.
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
What is writing in sand called?
Sandscript.
If you notice this notice,
you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
You must be peanut butter because you're making my legs feel like jelly.
I was just reading an article called "10 most scenic runs"... the third one was with you!
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!
Go to BabaMail
