Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
Hey baby, mind if I send my probe into your wormhole?
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
Do you want some raisin? How about some jam to go with it.
Our love started with a Hershey’s Kiss.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court…
The game would be cancelled.
What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
I told the artist that his painting was terrible. I think he got the picture.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?
A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Husband: Who do you like better, a smart guy or a handsome guy?
Wife: Neither. I only like you.
Why did Princess Leia lose all her friends and family?
She got involved with Alderaan people.
I couldn’t help but approach, you’ve been on my mind Twenty four Evan
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.
I have no idea how so many people didn’t make it out the labyrinth.
It only took me a minotaur two.
I've taken up online yoga since the COVID-19 outbreak started.
It helps me namaste at home.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
I don’t play soccer but you’re my goal.
I love you so fairy much.
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why did the engineer cross the road?
Because he looked in the files, and that’s what they did last time.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
Are you Rudolph’s red nose? Because baby, I would say you glow.
Are you tinsel? Because I want you all over my tree.
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
Wife: "I'm pregnant."
Me: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad."
Wife: "No you're not."
Are you a red light because stop.
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