What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
Hey babe - are you the ex leader of the Australian Democrats because I'd love to Despoja.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
I drank alot of alcohol at the airport last night.
I now have a terminal hangover.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
Are you a brand new racing suit? Because you make me forget how to breathe.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
Who swept the loud chords of a lyre;
At the sound of each sweep
She enraptured the deep,
And enchanted the city of Tyre.
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Please keep your distance. I might fall for you.
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Why did the rabbit cross the road?
It had to get from hare to there.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
"I'm eggs-hausted."
Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
You are such a perfect arrangement of atoms.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
What do skeletons put in their photocopiers?
Skeletoner
“Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”—Janet Periat
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
Who does a Karen yell at if her computer isn't working?
The task manager.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
Angels could fly, but I didn't know they could run.
Hey Cameron, did you know your name was an anagram for romance?
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. It's intense tense in tents.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Do you have a jersey? Because I need your name and number.
It's not you...it's your taste in music.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
No taxation without representation! But, there is a kiss tax. Strictly enforced and right on the lips.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
I like my girls like I like my Microsoft Word documents - Saved.
What kind of writer did the ghost hire to write his biography? A ghostwriter, duh.
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
Does your left eye hurt? Because you’ve been looking right all day.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you call a famous inmate? A cellebrity.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
Go to BabaMail
