What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
Hey babe, can I colonize your land and exploit you for your natural resources.
Some call them opponents. We call them victims. It sounds like you have the right mindset to succeed on the court!
When the basketball realized all the checks were bouncing, he decided to visit the bank himself to find out.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in India, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere.
What did the pilot of the Enola Gay say before dropping the bomb ?
"Let me Atom."
"Do you have a cell phone I could use?"
"Why?"
"Someone has to call God and tell him that one of his angels is missing."
- Couples Retreat (2009)
You can stand under my umbrella.
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
In case of an emergency, pull down the zipper on my pants.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
This April fools, I decided to swipe right on only the ugly people on Tinder and then burn them.
Still no matches.
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
Oh gosh gal your eyes look like falling stars.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Can anyone advise me what color my hair is?
I find it's a bit of a grey area.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time?
Really good acid.
Are you a healing plant? Because Aloe you Vera much
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Wish I was British so I could say "could you polish me nob?"
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
There were two antennas who met on a roof and they fell in love and decided to get married. The ceremony was nothing fancy, but you could tell that they had a very strong connection.
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.”
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Error 404: Your number is not found on my phone.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success. Although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes."
Don Kardong
I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?
Unstable.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
Go to BabaMail
