Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
What type of songs do planets sing?
Nep-Tunes.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
Doug Larson
I tried to have a conversation with my wife when she was applying a mud pack.
You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to answer the door?
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
I normally fish for trout but I'll make and exception for you.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Did you hear about the broadcasters in the aeroplane?
They're on air now
Babe, all the trail leads straight to you.
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
No matter how kind you are...
German children are kinder.
Where do bus drivers eat their lunches? In a traffic jam.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
"Let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing."
- Austin Powers (1999)
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you — hand over the cash!
"Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage." – Marcelene Cox
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lion
Lion who?
Lion on your doorstep, open up!
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
Go to BabaMail
