I'd rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn't, than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to find out there is. -- Peter Barry
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Easter this year is April Fools Day
Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Easter is grammatically incorrect.
We should say more east.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
“I gotta warn ya, every man I’ve ever gone out with has been ruined.”
“Well, that’s what they get for messing with my girl.”
- Bugsy (1991)
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes.
Lady, you mak me All Shook Up and wake my Animal Instinct
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
I believe in The Importance of Being Earnest, so I'm just going to say it: I'm Wilde about you.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
What’s the only thing divorce proves?
Whose mother was right in the first place.
Do you have an inhaler? You took my breath away.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
Is your nickname Mercury? Cause you look habitable.
My friends have been calling me a loon, because I'm crazy about you.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
There once was a boy named Dan,
who wanted to fry in a pan.
He tried and he tried,
and eventually died,
that weird little boy named Dan.
Reading sun puns while sunbathing make one well red.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
"Reti or not, here I come!"
What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?
Bisaxual.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
Are you Broca’s aphasia? Because you leave me speechless…
Go to BabaMail
