What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
"Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."
- Plato
You must be Portuguese because I could Lisbon to that accent all night long.
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What did God say after creating man? I must be able to do better than that.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
Are you the energizer bunny cause you just keep going and going through my mind.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
Can you give me directions…to your heart?
There once was a hunter named Frawley
Who lived in a shack, outside Raleigh.
His dog, funny but true,
Would only hunt honeydew.
The dog was a true melon collie.
(William Robinson)
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
Omelette you in on a secret. You and I would brie perfectly gouda.
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
Are you Ebala? Because you melt my insides.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
What does Bigfoot do to relax in his spare time?
He goes bird squatching!
Hey babe, I’ve been straining my oculomotor nerve looking everywhere for you.
What kind of institution is Marriage?
One where a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
What’s Frankenstein’s favorite food?
Frankenfurters.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
Let’s act like we’re a couple of colonists and do a few intolerable acts together.
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