What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
What does a Greek machine need to work?
Greece.
I’d be Madeline if I didn’t say I was dying to get to know you
“Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.”
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that every time he drink tea his eyeball hurts him the doctor brings a cup of tea and handle's it to the man then the man asks for a spoon of sugar after he mixes the sugar he starts to drink tea then he screams as high as he can and say see doctor my eyeball hurts me
The doctor says why don't try to remove the spoon.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Would you allow me Du-bai you a drink?
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
I got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.
Your ass is so nice, it's a shame you have to sit on it.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lee
Lee who?
Lee me alone - I've got a headache!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
A big black bug bit a big black bear made the big black bear bleed blood.
"Have You Ever Seen"
Have you ever seen a sheet on a river bed?
Or a single hair from a hammer’s head?
Has the foot of a mountain any toes?
And is there a pair of garden hose?
Does the needle ever wink its eye?
Why doesn’t the wing of a building fly?
Can you tickle the ribs of a parasol?
Or open the trunk of a tree at all?
Are the teeth of a rake ever going to bite?
Have the hands of a clock any left or right?
Can the garden plot be deep and dark?
And what is the sound of the birch’s bark?
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
I was going to call you beautiful, but then I realized I don’t have your number yet.
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
The best place to hide something is at an airport
You'd be hiding something in plane site.
I’d check your blood sugar, but you’re sweet enough.
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
- Steven Wright
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
Why did the clock cross the road?
It couldn’t wait.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
I hate spring cleaning.
Darn things bounce all over the place.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Sorry, I've lost my number.
May I get yours?
Go to BabaMail
