What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
You’re like a dictionary—you add meaning to my life.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he is a keeper!
Let's hang out sometime. You bring your beaker and I'll bring my stirring rod.
With me with you, anywhere becomes the perfect Champ-site.
Your phone is nice, but it would be even nicer if it had my name on your contact list.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
Some folks came to my door this morning and asked if I would consider being a Jehovah's Witness.
I had to be honest and told them I hadn't seen the accident.
You're old enough to know, my son,
It's really awfully rude
If someone speaks when both his cheeks
Are jammed and crammed with food.
Your mother asked you how you liked
the onions in the stew.
You stuffed your mouth with raisin bread
And mumbled, "Vewee goo."
Then when she asked you what you said,
You took a drink of milk,
And all that we could understand
Was, "Uggle gluggle skwilk."
And now you're asking me if you
Can have more lemon Jell-O.
Please listen carefully, "Yes, ifoo
Arstilla ungwy fello."
(Martin Gardner)
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
Your skin is smoother than the finest panna cotta.
Hi, my name's Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
Burst into cheers!
What did the frog dress up as on Halloween?
A prince.
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Which side of a deer has the best meat?
The inside.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
I rang the doctor on our way to the hospital, and said, "Quick! my pregnant wife is going into labor, what should I do?"
He said, "Is this her first child?"
I said, "Of course not, this is her husband!"
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
I'd rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn't, than to live my whole life assuming there isn't a God, only to find out there is. -- Peter Barry
Why is the French Prime Minister never seen in the morning?
Becasue he is pm not am!
Is your name Succinylcholine? Because you’re paralyzing.
"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”
- Walt Disney
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belican,
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
But I'm damned if I see how the helican!
Are you the 4th of July? 'Cause I'm feeling fireworks between us.
Are you made of grapes? Because you are fine as wine!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Can’t pinch this.
People tend to compare aging to a bottle of wine.
You find yourself a little stout and round,
And dust may litter your behind.
Like the grapes that create a fine wine,
The fruits of your labor have become your wisom from age.
Timeless and valued beyond compare,
And the lable may need a bit of repair.
But unlucky for you,
None of this is true.
I wish I could say something better,
My friend, you have aged like cheddar.
At the end of the year, there is always a rock n’ bowl concert where everyone gets entertained.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What's long, surprisingly bigger than expected, comes in different colors, and everyone wants a ride from?
A limousine.
Why does Foghorn Leghorn take it slow when April rolls around?
Because he’s no spring chicken!
Go to BabaMail
