What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
You don’t like my winter pun? How cold!
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
Your pheromones are driving me wild.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
People write Congrats because spelling Congrajlashins is hard.
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it, and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
I'm going to start watching my caffeine intake because baby you make my heart palpitate.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
You are unbe-Leah-vably gorgeous
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
The reason why bowling alleys are so quiet is such that you can hear a pin drop.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You make my heart skip, I think I have Mobitz type II!
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
If a star fell every time I thought of you, the sky would be dark at night.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Q: What did the artist say to the dentist?-
A: Matisse hurt
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that every time he drink tea his eyeball hurts him the doctor brings a cup of tea and handle's it to the man then the man asks for a spoon of sugar after he mixes the sugar he starts to drink tea then he screams as high as he can and say see doctor my eyeball hurts me
The doctor says why don't try to remove the spoon.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
Q: Patient: Doctor, sometimes I feel like I'm invisible.
A: Doctor: Who said that?
One day, a father was washing a car with his son...
The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
What a great match, guess you could say its my Luke-y day
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
Why would a cow want to go to space? To see the Milky Way.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Sadly, hydrogen and helium broke things off. But they still think of each other... periodically.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
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