The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”
- Nate Smith.
Milk does the body good, but damn how much did you drink?
What do fashionable mountains wear when it's cold? An ice cap.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was on a roll.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
After checking my poor results, the art teacher shouted, "Never in a vermilion years have I seen such poor grades"!
There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its colour and size,
So bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
How to determine the gender of your cat?
pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
What kind of light goes around the earth? A Satel-lite.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
Dogs can't operate an MRI machine, but Catscan.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
I don't bite you know - unless it's called for.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
People often stare at my back-alley cosmetic surgery to remove half of my brain...
I have half a mind to tell them where to go.
Theres a party in my pants and your invited.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
“It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Are these pants too tight in the Balzac?
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
What’s the freshest herb you can find in April?
Spring-thyme!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
Do you know what rhymes with cucumber? Your number.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
When I look into the Mirror of Erised, I see you giving me your number.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
Go to BabaMail
