I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?'
He replied, 'Yes, it does!'
'It's a regular brute of a Bee!'
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?
Don’t moss around.
"Come follow me and I will make you a Fischer of men."
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
I'm going to have to get a security guard because you're trying to steal my heart.
For you, nothing in this world
I would ever trade
You are more precious to me
Than a dazzling Jade
From every troubles of life
You have given me bail
Today I promise that for you
My love will never fail
You know what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
Why did god invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
I normally fish for trout but I'll make and exception for you.
I know that 70% of the human body is composed of H2O, but the tall drink of water I'm looking at is probably 97%.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
The Greeks make the best cheese
You feta believe it!
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
Can I have your number so I can call you anytime I miss you?
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
I know you are a goalie but I hope you don’t stop me from scoring tonight.
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
You snow the drill.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, ‘Well, that’s not going to happen.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
Are you a pharmacist? Because I am a patient and I heard you are patient lovers.
"I've found some bunny to love."
I’m a 30-60-90 triangle and you’re a 40-40-90 triangle – we’re just right for each other.
Go to BabaMail
