What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
You should go in the water, cuz you're so hot you're on fire!
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who sat on a horse when he reared;
But they said, "Never mind!
You will fall off behind,
You propitious Old Man with a beard!"
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Knock knock.
Come in.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
How can astronauts get more protein in their diet? They make it meteor.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."
― Joe Girard
I was so amazed by your beauty that I had to run to the wall over there. So, I need to get your number and name to claim my insurance.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Your love will always be up to par.
Ever kiss a guy with no teeth?
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Working as a dock hand is hard,
but it's wharf it.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What's Hitler's favorite video game?
Mein Kraft.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
William James
What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?
Penne Lane.
Is there an excessive heat warning or am I just hot for you.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
"There's no bunny like you."
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
Shake it like a pole-oriod picture.
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
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