Taking a romantic ride today,
We sat upon the wagon.
Suddenly the horse lifted his tail
And we heard a roaring dragon!

The deafening sound hurt my ears
And the smell burned the hairs in my nose.
My girlfriend sat and glared at me.
Somehow my fault I suppose.

It was my idea to take the ride,
But how was I to know?
It really wasn't in my plans;
Didn't know the horse would blow.

The noise and the smell were bad enough,
As the wind blew quickly by.
But I think the very worst of it,
Was the brown stuff in my eye.

My girlfriend's face turned angry red.
So I figured I wouldn't dare,
Advise her of the smelly pieces
Of horse stuff in her hair.

The horse finally stopped; my girl ran away,
Stubbornly lifting her chin.
I think that horse was enjoying himself,
Cause I'm sure I saw him grin.

A lesson learned for me today.
Although I must confess,
I laughed so hard I nearly cried
As I wiped away the mess.

(by Annabel Sheila)

“The North Pole doesn’t import goods because it’s Elf Sufficient.”

Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.

They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.

What do you call a basketball team that cries after they lose the game?
A bawl club.

If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?

The se* was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?

What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion

What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.

What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!

What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.

My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me

How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!

Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.

“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer

Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.

"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"

"Love the wine you're with."

“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger

Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.

A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”

What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.

It is October and there are still leaves on trees. I am very corn-fused!

I enjoy the cold weather
But only to a certain degree.

Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. -- Billy Sunday

What is the difference between Barry Zito and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.

I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.

How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!

I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'

Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.

Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.

It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.

Twinkle twinkle little bore.
Close your mouth, it's not a door.
You are just as cold as ice,
It is you that I despise.

The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.

Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.

I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool

Are you from pennsylvania cause I want to stick my pen in your sylvania.

Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.

What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.

You have changed my world to polar coordinates. Complex and imaginary things now have a magnitude and direction.

What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.

"You round me out." — High Card Band

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

What do you call a dollar bill frozen in ice?
Cold, hard cash!

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.