All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
Wow, you're undeniably exothermic! I bet you get that reaction a lot.
Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
"The closer you are to nature the further you are from idiots.”
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
What’s a Spanish vampire’s favorite dance?
The Fang-dango.
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
Do you have a tan, or do you always look this hot?
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What is Dr. Frankenstein’s favorite part of a company?
Human resources.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
Limericks I cannot compose,
With noxious smells in my nose.
But this one was easy,
I only felt queasy,
Because I was sniffing my toes.
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One’s really heavy, the other’s a little lighter.
Fat man sees small door,
he knows he cannot fit through,
tears flow free now.
What does a werewolf say in church?
Howleluia!
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
No taxation without representation! But, there is a kiss tax. Strictly enforced and right on the lips.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
A child asked his father "Dad, do politicians ever tell the truth?"
The father answered, "Only when they call each other liars."
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
I wanted to write with the perfect first line… but It’s been a bit of a dilEmma coming up with one
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
- Ewan McGregor.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Amish!
Amish who?
You're not a shoe!
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
I haven’t owned a watch for I don’t know how long.
Did you hear about the happy cannon balls?
They just got married and I hear they’re already expecting some BBs.
Go to BabaMail
