What do you call a party for snowmen? A snowball.
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
Hey, let me take you out on a first date in the snow - I promise I'm not a flaky person.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?
Wow, You must be the pretty princess the evil queen is trying to get rid of.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
A day with you is like an eternity of behind-the-ear scratches.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
You are so beautiful that you made me forget my pick up line.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
"How Not to Have to Dry the Dishes"
If you have to dry the dishes
(Such an awful, boring chore)
If you have to dry the dishes
(‘Stead of going to the store)
If you have to dry the dishes
And you drop one on the floor—
Maybe they won’t let you
Dry the dishes anymore.
– Shel Silverstein
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
I can't let it be until I get your number.
How do you get an Art Major off your front door step?
Pay for the PIZZA!
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Do you run track? Cause I relay like you!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
Don't worry, bee happy!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
The snowman keeps having tantrums, they're real meltdowns!
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
"Let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing."
- Austin Powers (1999)
Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?
They have no hands to knock on the door.
Never date a Theater person...
... wayyy too much Drama...
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What did the deer’s mother say to her daughter on her birthday?
“I remember the day you were fawn!”
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Girl, you must be blue because you’re the hottest star around right now.
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
The best place to search for information about witches is wicca-pedia.
I loaf you.
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
Thirty-three thousand feathers on a thrush’s throat.
Are you the energizer bunny cause you just keep going and going through my mind.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
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