The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Hey there cyclist, I'll be your mechanic if you'll be my ride.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
There was a fire in a yodelling school.
Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion.
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
I hope you're ready to spend some koalaty time together.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
If you think I’m hot now, wait until you see what I turn into at midnight.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
You are un-beer-lievable!
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
There was an Old Man in a boat,
Who said, 'I'm afloat, I'm afloat!'
When they said, 'No! you ain't!'
He was ready to faint,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Do you have a Bandaid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
When I first saw you I looked for a signature, because every masterpiece has one.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you — hand over the cash!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I was born smart,
What happened to you?!
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
What do you call a broke santa? Give up yet? It's Saint-NICKEL-LESS.
I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light. Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Go to BabaMail
