Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
Are you sitting on a candle? Because your booty is on fire.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
"I whip my hare back and forth."
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
We’re in a-green-ment.
How did you get to be such an amazing man?
Never have I seen someone who can do all you can.
I look at you and gasp in awe,
You are the best that I ever saw.
You are the perfect man for any woman,
You’re just so good at making me grin.
Everything you do is so perfect for me,
You are precisely my cup of tea.
Now I suppose I should give credit where credit is due,
And remind myself that I did a great job retraining you!
(Unknown)
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
We may be two ships that pass in the night, but I must have your number before you Ceylon.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
“The road to success is always under construction.”
What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
The xylobone.
“In spring we are on Earth; in summer we are on Earth; in autumn we are on Earth, but in winter we are in another planet; winter is another planet!” — Mehmet Murat ildan
Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.
Hey is your name Cameron? Cuz I’d love a Camera-n to capture that gorgeous face of yours.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
“It is a grave error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
- Anne Fadiman
Which country hates Thanksgiving?
Turkey
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
"The best part of waking up is still a mystery to me."
— Uknown
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
There was a Young Lady whose eyes,
Were unique as to colour and size;
When she opened them wide,
People all turned aside,
And started away in surprise.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
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