What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
I met a man, Stan.
His nature is Afghani.
Yes! Afghanistan.
What do you see? [Nothing]. That’s my life without you.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
What's green, green, green, green, green?
A frog rolling down a hill.
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
Take a page from the book and leaf.
You've got great posture. I'd love to see you flow sometime.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
I hope my love for you is arterial because I don’t want it to be all in vein.
You must be a fourth or a fifth, because you're just perfect!
Is your name Wi-fi? Because I'm really feeling a connection.
What sound does a bouncy plane make?
Boeing.
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
Man: I've lost my phone number can I have yours?
Woman: Sure, my number is 911-8473 (works better if you write it down)
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?
Darn Tutankhamun!
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Irish.
Irish who?
Irish you a nice day.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
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