Can we still share a netflix account?
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
I cannoli be happy
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
My Grandad always said, “As one door closes, another one opens.”
Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.
We're like a 4-Leaf clover. You're the C and I'm the R, and there's love in between us.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
While fishing in the blue lagoon,
I caught a lovely silver fish,
And he spoke to me, "My boy," quoth he,
"Please set me free and I'll grant your wish;
A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold?
Or all the fancies your mind can hold?"
And I said, "O.K." and I set him free,
But he laughed at me as he swam away,
And left me whispering my wish
Into a silent sea.
Today I caught that fish again
(That lovely silver prince of fishes),
And once again he offered me,
If I would only set him free,
Any one of a number of wishes,
If I would throw him back to the fishes.
He was delicious!!
(Shel Silverstein)
“Father”
My father knows the proper way
The nation should be run;
He tells us children every day
Just what should now be done.
He knows the way to fix the trusts,
He has a simple plan;
But if the furnace needs repairs,
We have to hire a man.
– Edgar Albert Guest
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To bock traffic.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
Are you my new favorite song? Because I'd like to hear you on repeat.
You’re the gravy to my turkey.
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” – Dave Barry
Did you know I'm the Ronaldo of lovers?
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Hey baby, are you my flight? Because I wish I could catch you.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
We’ve made a jig mistake, don’t you a-green?
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you just struggling to contain your excite-mint?
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
My girlfriend just told me I'm a poor listener.
Which upset me massively because I'm an awesome whistler.
What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
Me without you is like a sneaker without laces.
Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?
Darn Tutankhamun!
"When I'm older looking back at all of my finest memories, and I'll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you."
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isabell.
Isabell who?
Is a bell working?
I know that 70% of the human body is composed of H2O, but the tall drink of water I'm looking at is probably 97%.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
Go to BabaMail
