What do you say when you see a stunned ghostbuster catch a ghoul?
He's a little confused but he's got the spirit.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
On Halloween night, the walking dead clones
Shuffle around with mumbled grunts and groans
But have no fear
When they come near
They would rather die, than turn off their phones!
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
There was an Old Man, on whose nose,
Most birds of the air could repose;
But they all flew away
At the closing of day,
Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.
There once was a man from Peru,
Who had a lot of growing up to do.
He'd ring a doorbell,
then run like hell,
Until the owner shot him with a .22
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Babe, you are the only brand I desire and I want no substitution.
Why’d did the cowboy have a wiener dog?
Someone told him to get a long little doggie
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
"Run like you stole something."
Unknown
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
If at first you don't succeed, try twice more so your failure is statistically significant.
What kind of hat does a skeleton wear at Easter?
A Bone-et.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
I'm definitely in the range of your hotspot. How about you let me connect and get full access.
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a long 31-day long March!
You’re like the perfect audition piece: rare, beautiful, and extremely worth it.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Ouch, you're getting older,
Time for aches and pains to appear,
When nothing's where it should be,
And you shun anything tight or sheer.
But worry not, my dear friend,
Because aging can be so fun,
You will just jiggle a little more,
When you try to walk or run.
(Kevin Nishmas)
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
There once was a wonderful star,
Who thought she would go very far.
Until she fell down,
And looked like a clown,
She knew she would never go far.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Are you a box of BD pen needles? Because you are ultra-fine.
Why did the Cold War go on for so long?
Because Russia kept Stalin.
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
Hey Cinderella, must be time I took you home. It’s nearly midnight!
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m unoriginal,
This is all I can do.
Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? Because it's not fast food.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
Witches get sore joints because they have broom-atism.
There was an Old Person of Tring,
Who embellished his nose with a ring;
Ha gazed at the moon
Every evening in June,
That ecstatic Old Person in Tring.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Can I tie your shoes? I don’t want you falling for anyone else.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
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