Why did the doctor cross the road?
Hard to say really. Could be any number of reasons.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?
The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!
Why do native Americans hate the snow?
Because it is white and settles all over their land.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
Why would you Mary Shelley when you could marry me?
What does the ski bum do when the chairlift line is too long?
He's gondola top of the mountain.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Oh, Darling, I'd like to be in your octopus garden
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
To get with the times, Grammar Nazi's have changed their name.
They now prefer to go by Alt-writists.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
I want to ask you out, but I’ve got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots…
Aloha is a soft laugh.
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
They told me I was too old to hunt for Easter eggs, but the jokes on them!
I prefer mine poached.
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
Ruby, or not Ruby…that may be one question, but mine is actually will you go out with me?
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Roses are red, I’m not wearing a suit,
Carrots are not vegetables, they are actually fruit.
Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
Sinks cannot open doors
Let that sink in.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
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