Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Let's procreate like the snakes in the Narcisse Dens.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day? A Terrorwrist
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
You have a body like the North Star. Wise men will follow it.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
You’re under arrest for not giving me your number.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
What do you call one day below freezing and the next day at 70 degrees?
“It’s snowing today, but water you doing tomorrow?”
Sorry I'm so quiet this evening. You simply took my breath away.
What song did Kenny Rogers write after his cowboy boot broke?
“You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose Heel.”
"I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, 'And another thing ...'” — Felicia Michaels
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said "Don’t forget your Baghdad."
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
How can you tell if you’ve told a really funny Irish joke?
People will be Dublin over with laughter!
Bowlers pay a lot of money to play. This is because it is a bum per lane.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
I need an Imodium because I can’t hold in my love for you.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
If I had a nickel for every time a woman thought I was ugly, they would find me attractive.
"Egg-ceedingly good, wouldn't you say?"
Go to BabaMail
