Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Was that an earthquake or are you rocking this run?
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Did you get your license suspended for driving so many guys crazy?
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
If you were a bouquet of fresh-cut flowers, I would take you home.
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
Girls just wanna have sun!
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
No-bunny is as hare-larious as you.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
If there were no God, there would be no atheists. -- G. K. Chesterton
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
How did the egg cross the road?
It scrambled across!
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
What’s ET short for?
So he can fit in the spaceship!
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Arrrr. Wanna search me for buried treasure?
A round of Santa-plause, please.
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
- Nia Vardalos.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
What’s the best dessert to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy cake!
Let’s spend some koala-ty time with each other.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
If you want to impress the crowd, hit overheads. Every point will be a smash hit.
What does the witch do on her birthday?
She spellabrates.
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
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