When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
I red a joke about colors once.
It blue my mind.
How will you make the earth clean? By giving it a meteor shower.
If you come with me, I'll show you a hard day's night.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
There was an Old Man who said, 'How
Shall I flee from that horribke cow?
I will sit on this stile,
And continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that cow.'
I once asked my grandfather how he'd lived so long
He smiled and said; "I sprinkle a little gunpowder on my cereal every morning."
I always thought that was a little weird but he did live a long life and left a great legacy; a thriving career, loving wife, seven children, sixteen grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and a massive hole in the crematorium wall.
More candles means a bigger wish!
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
Why did the robot decide to go on a summer vacation?
To recharge!
Buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
“They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?”
– Terry Pratchett
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
The artist successfully climbed the highest peak in the country. He attributed his success to the song, 'Paint No Mountain Higher!'
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
Are you a mosquito? ‘Cause I’m a sucker for you.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
I like my partners, like how i like my fast-food meals. Extra-large!
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "Nice going. The computer is completely screwed now."
“I Thought He Was Going to Kill Me”: One Woman’s Harrowing Misunderstanding of How Haircuts Work
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
Got my nurse going into surgery today
She put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left.
She said, "Wow! How can you do that?"
I responded: "I'm ambi-textrous."
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
If I were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
Go to BabaMail
