What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”

What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.

Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”

“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”
Greenville Kleisser

Are you an exception? I bet I can catch you.

Why did the volleyball player not want to travel? Because he had been there and dug that.

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
George Carlin

A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.
He immediately raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.

Baby, if you were words on a page, you’d be what they call ‘FINE PRINT’!

What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.

God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.

I like bowling.
Seriously, it’s right up my alley.

What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!

What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. African, Zambian, Ethiopian, Bosnian, Nigerian, Angolan, Botswanian, Tanzanian, Saudi Arabian, Kuwaiti, Iranian, Iraqi, Pakistanian, Mongolian, Indian, Burman, Chinese, Cambodian, Laotian, Somalian, Yemen, Syrian, Israeli, Armenian, Philipino, Javan, Australian, Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Georgian, Taiwanese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Puerto Rican, Dominican Republican, Aruban, Jamacian, Cuban, Haitian, El Salvadorian, Guatamalan, Nicaraguan, Costa Rican, Panamanian, American, Canadian, Mexican, Argentinian, Bolivian, Peruvian, Columbian, Brazilian, Ecuadorian and a Venezuelan walk into a bar.


The bartender looks up and says, "Sorry. I cannot serve you without a Thai."

Are Earth and Moon good friends? Yes, they’ve been going around together for many years now.

Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.

What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.

No matter how kind you are...
German children are kinder.

My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.

Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.

"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan

What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.

When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.

"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling

The depressing thing about tennis is
I will never be as good as a wall.

Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?
The Pasta.

A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.

The art teacher encourages her students to move in the light direction.

You’re as sweet as Pi.

Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!

What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!

We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.

Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.

How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!

With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..
“Made in China”

What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.

I can’t believe such a perfect match could Alexis-t

Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.

“Why did they ask the turkey to join the band? He had the drum sticks.”

Sorry, I'm octopied.

What is a werewolf’s favorite drink?
Moonshine.

Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring

Q: Why do windmills love loud, heavy rock music?
A: They’re metal fans.

Orange you excited for Halloween?

Are you my lines? Because I could never forget you.

Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.

What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.