What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
The Christmas alphabet has noel.
"Summer- the time when parents realize how underpaid teachers actually are"
What quarantine really taught me?
That you don't really need fun to have alcohol.
Is this the registration table? Because I need a number from you.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet
Do you mind if I slip my rope under your route?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police hurry up, it’s chilly outside!
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Tonight I will be exercising my freedom of assembly… outside your bedroom window.
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
- Richard Jeni
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
I went to a cafe for breakfast the other day and ordered eggs.
The woman behind the counter asked me, "How would you like your eggs cooked."
I said, "Does it affect the price?"
"No, not at all." she replied.
I said, "In that case I'd like them cooked with bacon, sausage and tomato please."
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
If trees could kill you, they wood.
The nurse always carried a red pen in her pocket in case she needed to draw blood.
I love my wife with all my butt! I should have to say heart, but my heart is actually smaller than my butt.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
I must have a neurodegenerative disease because I’ve forgotten your number, cutie.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
Hey girl my heart is anywhere you are.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
I would give anything to be your personal item.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
Take off those blue suede shoes and let's shake rattle n roll!
I pitcher us together forever.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Are you a unicorn cause you are my fantasy.
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
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