What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Beer-lieve it or not!
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Even The Beatles think that we should "Come Together." "Right now."
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
“Dear Monday, my mama doesn’t like you and she likes everyone.”
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What is your favorite yoga pose?
“Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped.” —@WilliamAder
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Nice pumpkins!
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
When’s your birthday?
July 23rd.
What year?
Every year.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
A man entered his house and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in his house.
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
What do you call a rental car in Spain?
A Barceloaner.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes.
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
A man and his lady-love, Min,
Skated out where the ice was quite thin.
Had a quarrel, no doubt,
For I hear they fell out,
What a blessing they didn't fall in!
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
You're so pharma-cute-ical!
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
Where do gorillas go to after work?
The monkey bars.
Your hand looks heavy. Here, let me hold it for you.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Dust is a disk's worst enemy.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just compliment it and then get mad when it won't screw.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture bedtime.
Are you a break stroker? Because you make my knees weak.
This may be cheesy, but I think you're grate.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
You can drive my car, and if you'd like, I also have a Yellow Submarine
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
Go to BabaMail
