I fence-y you.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
When I read Philippians 4:8, I think about you.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
Do you have any plans tonight? If not do you mind If I Jona you than?
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Damn! You're almost as hot as my sister/brother.
"One meditator to another: Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?" – Unknown
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Can you explain why your neighbor’s yard is so messy and overgrown?
“We’d never.”
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
You may be flightless but you make my heart soar.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”
- P. J. O’Rourke
Will you be the Flin to my Flon?
Don’t let your grandparents have daughters.
That’s how you get aunts.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
Levi's should pay you a royalty.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
I heard the local flasher was due to retire.
But hes decided to stick it out for another year.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
“Twinkle twinkle sleepy star, wake up now it’s the 11th hour, up above the world so high, the sun has risen in the sky.”
– Mickey Nice
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
I usually prefer cold weather, but only to a certain degree.
I own a big fat cat-
The fattest for miles around.
Wherever there's lots of food,
That's where he'll be found.
He's really good at eating.
It's a talent, I suppose.
I'm sure if he keeps at it
He'd win the talent shows.
I own a big fat cat-
He weighs at least a ton.
He couldn't run to save his life.
Yes, he isn't much fun.
His favourite room's the kitchen.
(I'm sure we all know why.)
He eats just about everything,
So that's why, with a sigh...
I'd like to tell you, Teacher,
I'd like to tell you straight,
I might have "accidentally" dropped
My homework in his plate.
(By Christian M. Mitewu)
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
"Parenthood is a lot easier to get into then out of." – Bruce Lansky
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To knock-knock on the door, walk into the bar, and change the lightbulb.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
What should someone do if they are stuck between a jaguar and a tiger? Simple, just take the Jaguar and drive away from the tiger.
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
We caught the drummer of our band masturbating over his drum kit...
I guess the pervert thinks of them as s*x cymbals.
Go to BabaMail
