I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro? They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.”
— Unknown
You cannot strike it, if you don’t try it.
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
A big black bug bit a big black bear made the big black bear bleed blood.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
"The closer you are to nature the further you are from idiots.”
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
“Not telling me something because you don’t want to piss me off is probably the best way to piss me off.”
— ScorpioQuotes.com
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
I find you very a-peeling.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
I’ll bring you roses to our first date so that they can see how beautiful you are.
Every book has some flaws and mistakes, no matter how good the editor. It’s bound to happen.
“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.”
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
You had me at ruff.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
I'm usually not very prophetic.
But I can see us together.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
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