When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
"You're totally scrambling my brain."
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
"Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I'll ever get to yoga."
- Grant Tucker
Is your name Google? Because you've got everything I'm searching for.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they'll change it back.
It's only a phase, after all.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
You must be a keyboard. Because you're just my type.
Hey you long legged girl with the short dress on. I finally found you!!
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Belize me, baby, I will Peru'v my love for you at any Cost.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
I read dead people.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
What do you call a painting by a cat of herself? A self paw-trait.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
God was just showing off when he made you.
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
Girl, want to watch me play? I never miss the target.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
You’re the only (cutie) pie I need.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
Hey, are you Oscar? Because I really want to win you...
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
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