Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
I am a chemist. Want to get together and see the reaction?
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
“The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.”
Scott Adams
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Come with me, let’s convert our potential energy into kinetic energy.
Levi's should pay you a royalty.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
If you look at the map of my heart, it says 'You are here.'
Who’s ready to party their shamrocks off?
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles Schulz
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
The goal nine yards
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face,
And someone else is in my place!
“Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these word: Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
Polish Proverb
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
My least favourite hue is purple. It's worse than red and blue combined.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
The judge sentenced the basketball player to life imprisonment because he shot the ball.
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
Do you prefer stiff or limp fishing rods?
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
"The Centipede"
I'm glad I'm not a real boy
With proper feet like you.
Imagine if I had to put
A foot in every shoe.
For when I'd got each foot inside
And every lace tied tight,
I'd have to take them off again
To go to bed at night.
– May Fenn
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I ain't no poet, but neither are you.
A woman takes her son to the doctor's and tells the doctor that he thinks he's a chicken.
The doctor asks, "How long has he been like this?"
The woman replies, "Three years."
The doctor exclaims, "Three years! Why didn't you bring him in sooner?"
The woman says, "We needed the eggs."
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphreys
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
Calvin Coolidge
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
Theater sound guys aren't always good speakers
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Go to BabaMail
