What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
Why did the rabbit cross the road?
It had to get from hare to there.
"If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire."
- George Carlin
Do you have my other lung? Because I’ve been LUNG-ing for you.
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween.
I would never precede you with "which," baby, because you are essential to this clause.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
All you need is a little vitamin sea.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
“Look out for Santa Paws!”
Are you a star? Because you are twinkling at the party.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
How many yaks could a yak pack, pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
If Princess Toad looked liked you, I would have killed Bowser years ago.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
You’re unbeleafable.
It’s snow joke.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
What do you call a Belgian who's bad at grammar?
An twerp.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard
Thank you for making our relationship sweet rather than a rocky road.
"Say you'll be wine."
"Stupidity has a knack of getting its way."
- Albert Camus
If it was 1984, and I was Big Brother, I'd only watch you.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What did the artist tell his greatest nemesis? I challenge you to a doodle!
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
What does it feel like to be the most gorgeous girl in the room?
Will you Scarlett me take you out this weekend?
Propranolol is red, digoxin is blue. My heart skips a beat when I see you.
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
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