I'm glad there's freedom of religion because I worship you.
Deaf Mute Gets New Hearing In Killing
I boiled a funny bone once.
It turned into a laughing stock.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
I am a dog.
And you are a flower.
I lift my leg up.
And give you a shower!
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
I wish I had your number, so I could’ve invited you to dinner last weekend.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
– Mark Twain
“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
Groucho Marx
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Why’d you dress up as a princess, when you could have simply come in plain clothes as the most beautiful girl at the Halloween party?
My wife got mad at me for being lazy... It's not like I did something!
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back."
Franklin Jones
Why did the clock cross the road?
It couldn’t wait.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow?
A numb-skull.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
She witch-hiked.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An extraterrestrial.
An extraterrestrial who?
Wait, how many extraterrestrials do you know?
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
You can have that last bag of chips if I can bag your number.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
These voices in my head have been telling me to come over here and talk to you.
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you?
What's the difference between a stepping stool and a miniature 3D printer?
The former is a little ladder and the latter is a little former.
I know that 70% of the human body is composed of H2O, but the tall drink of water I'm looking at is probably 97%.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
Go to BabaMail
