My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
"Mom, when will I get lipstick like the other girls at my school?"
"You are not like the other girls, Dave."
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
You smell... We should go take a shower together.
I must be a Snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you.
Girl, you must be a possessive pronoun because I think you're mine.
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
When his driving had gotten bizarre
Grandpa’s kids tossed his keys very far
So he hitched into town
Laid some good money down
And then simply brought home a new car.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
Can I claim your baggage?
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
You are so beautiful that you made me forget my pick up line.
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
Genie: "What’s your first wish?"
Steve: "I wish I was rich."
Genie: "What’s your second wish, Rich?"
"It is true that speed kills. In distance running, it kills anyone who does not have it."
Brooks Johnson
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
I'm definitely in the range of your hotspot. How about you let me connect and get full access.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Are you British?
Cuz you just colonised my heart.
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
We should train together, I've heard it's good for bone density.
Why did the chicken stop crossing the road?
It got tired of everyone making so many jokes.
I love the name Charlie. Just wanted you to know I’d never Char-leave you.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
Can February march?
No, but April may.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Go to BabaMail
