What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.
The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
It was a brief case.
One more thyme.
Within minutes, the detective figured out what the murder weapon was.
It was a brief case.
Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence? A convict.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
Hey baby, you’ve captured my eye. Could I have it back?
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
I bought a boat because it was for sail.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
I hope you know CPR, baby because you take my breath away.
An astronaut who normally fails on a weightlessness experiment, might surely be aware of the gravity of the situation.
“The most obnoxious thing in the world is to listen to others drone on about how much they love the heat.”
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Which is a Ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da Cheese.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
If a black bug bleeds black blood, what color blood does a blue bug bleed?
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
“I’m actually banned from the Himalayas, because I’m too good at yoga.” – Judah Friedlander
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
Hey, not sure if I should be telling you this, but I’m a Prince and I’m currently looking for my Cinder-Bella
A vampire broke up with his girlfriend when she had a blood test. He told her she wasn't his type.
The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
Do you like vegetables because I love you from my head tomatoes.
"It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you."
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Corvid-19.
Do you wanna go to a restaurant?
You can't spell “menu” without me and u.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What is the perfect day to go to the beach?
Sun-day!
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.
He said "Si."
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
Talk literary to me.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
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