What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
For years, my brother wanted to be an archeologist...
But ten years in, his career lies in ruins.
Can I hold your hand?
Are you my appendix? Because I don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
I love you dairy much.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
This is snow laughing matter!
There once was a man from kanass,
Who's nuts were made out of brass.
in stormy weather,
he'd clack them together,
and lightning shot out of his ass.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Whats a good Spanish sports channel?
ESBieN.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
Theatre costumes must be handled with care since they're often laced with something.
Are you a keyboard? Because you are just my type.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter.
But I'm on a roll now.
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
I'm no curler, but I think I could sweep you off your feet!
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
What do you call a storm that doesn't come to fruition?
A mist opportunity!
Why are cowboys prone to gambling?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What should you get Lassie, the star of the hit TV show, for Valentine's Day?
A cauliflower.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."
"Genoa?"
"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
One trick peony.
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