I would hug you after a Bikram Yoga class
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
"I'm eggs-hausted."
Your lab or my lab?
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
If you think a meteor is hard, you should see what you are doing to my missile.
What do you call a selfish bomb?
Mine.
Let's Taco about love.
In on the ground flora.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
Hey baby, my body's like Ontario. Yours to discover.
If I had a nickel for every COVID-19 joke I know, I could buy a whole lot of toilet paper.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” – Dave Attell
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
The government announced that because of COVID, we can have gatherings of up to 5 people without issues.
Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without issues?
Do you have my other lung? Because I’ve been LUNG-ing for you.
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet
I asked my 15 brothers and sisters and they didn’t know either.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Believe in your elf.
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Don't get tide down.
Are you a cherry? Because I want to pick you up.
Girl, your chromosomes have combined beautifully.
Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
Are you a baker? ‘Cause those buns look TASTY.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood.
"You deserve better and so do I."
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
Are you a magician? Because you just cast a spell on me.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th
"Camping is a humanitarian effort to help feed hungry mosquitoes."
- Melanie White
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
What does Frosty the Snowman do to combat his worries about melting?
Take a chill pill!
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
Should a gun company rename themselves "Question"?
That's a loaded Question
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