What's a camel's favorite part of a meal?
Desert!
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
This palace is a breath of fresh heir!
There was an Old Man who said, 'Hush!
I perceive a young bird in this bush!'
When they said, 'Is it small?'
He replied, 'Not at all!
It is four times as big as the bush!'
Daddy, how was I born?
Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway!
Mom and Dad got together in a chat room.
Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe.
We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick.
As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.
Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared.
And that's the story.
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's out of business. And, speaking of Hershey's, how about a kiss?
Can I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your phone is smart,
So why aren’t you?
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
The target in soccer is to kick it where it counts.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.
Classic rook-y mistake.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
After all is sled and done.
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
We may be two ships that pass in the night, but I must have your number before you Ceylon.
What do you get when you cross a ghoul with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn’t give a hoot!
England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
I got fired on my first day as a car salesman.
Customer: "Cargo space?"
Me (speaking slowly): "No, not space.. Car go ROAD."
Manager: " Can I see you in my office?"
I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars.
It was an auto body experience.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
I froze some raspberries last summer. You're hot enough to defrost them.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
Babe, are you a virus? 'Cause, you're having an effect on my whole body.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fangs
Fangs who?
Fangs for letting me in!
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