I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
I'm opening up an old folk's home in Tijuana.
Señor Citizens.
Excuse me, do you kiss strangers? No? Then let me introduce myself.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
Their romance started by candlelight.
But it only lasted a wick.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
I just want to say, “I love brew.”
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Now I know why there's no snow - you're so hot!
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
I have successfully managed to synthesize a protein that makes two people fall in love. Do you want to try it?
The Grinch may have stolen Christmas, but you stole my heart.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Did you hear about the ghoul who had eight arms?
He was very handy!
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
Did you hear that there’s a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?
It’s a site for sore eyes.
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
The chicken couldn’t be bothered anymore.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Hey, you're pretty and I'm cute. Together we'd be pretty cute
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. -- Mark Twain
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
"As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife."
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
Go to BabaMail
