How does Bigfoot stay in shape?
It does Sas-squats.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
There are more planes under the oceans than there are submarines up in the skies. Let that sink in...
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
Are you sure you're not from South Korea? Because I'm sure you're my 'Seoul'-mate.
You’re unbeleafable.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What do you call a Greek love song?
An Aphro-ditty.
Shamrocks and shenanigans for all!
"I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel."
- Fran Lebowitz
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar. It's a 30 minute walk from the bar to my house.
What do you call a faucet in the capital of Belgium?
A Brussels spout.
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
Bill Watterson
What does a bee do when it is extremely hot?
It takes off its yellow jacket!
Hey the cyclist, can I take you for a spin on my handlebars?
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
One Saturday morning at three,
A cheese monger's shop in Paree.
Collapsed to the ground,
With a thunderous sound,
Leaving only a pile of de brie.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
It’s worth a shot.
Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
How about a kanga-root?
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Bob Monkhouse
“It’s been a tough week. I bought myself a memory foam mattress and now it’s trying to blackmail me.”
Hi, my name's Pogo. Wanna ride on my stick?
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
I just went to a fireworks shop and asked for their biggest bomb. They gave me a picture of you
I've already heard seven cancer puns today.
If I hear tumor it's gonna benign.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
Whenever you and me get together, it's like superposition of 2 waves in phase.
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
"The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner." -Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
Looks like we’re Taylor made for each other
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
Were you born on the Bluenose? Because baby, you're a dime.
Reindeer don't go to school—they're elf taught.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Go to BabaMail
